Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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