so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
