Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
