Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
