he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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