Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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