3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
