I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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