I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
