Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
