I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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