He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
