I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
