Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
