She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
