so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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