Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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