Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
