How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
