My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
