even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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