I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
