I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
