Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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