I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want to fling myself into the sun
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
