there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
