I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
