i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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