Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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