Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
