Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
