Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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