I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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