i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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