is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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