his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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