I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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