I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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