no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
