You're my little dorito
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
