she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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