this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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