Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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