I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize