I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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