if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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