Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He? As in you personified your dick?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
