Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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