Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
