tell your sister to shave her snatch
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
