She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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