Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
