my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He felt like a one man threesome
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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