id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
