Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize