Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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