he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
