Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
