can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
cat food counts as protein by the way
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
