I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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