I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
