honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
