Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
