but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize