I got chris browned last night
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the condom got lost in my hair
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
