You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
