Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
