She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
His hands were made for my vagina.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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