That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
