So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
