If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
