Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no, he came in my armpit
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
