I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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