Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
