I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
