Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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