does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
