I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
